It is hot.
We are in the depths of July and I'm looking back, as usual, and wondering where the summer has gone. What happened to June? And now August is around the corner? Luckily there are still plenty of summer weeks left. There are concerts to attend, picnics to be had, long evenings to enjoy in the backyard, ice cream to make, books to read, and dinners to grill.
Part of what has made these last few months such a whirlwind has been the most exciting development to ever happen in our lives. We are expecting a baby. This little family of two is becoming three and I am still sitting in wonder. Shock. Awe. An infinite happiness and welling up inside.
On the day we discovered our news, I had a feeling that something was different. I took the test and then got in the shower, anxiously wondering what news would greet me when I stepped out. Drying off, I glanced down at a very faint blue plus sign. Smiling, I grabbed the stick and went into the living room. Charlie looked up from his computer. What? he asked. I handed it to him. What does the plus sign mean? he asked. Positive, I said. We stared at it for a few moments, dazed and grinning, shaking our heads and hugging. We decided we needed a little more confirmation, so Charlie ran out for more tests and came home with a variety of different boxes. Five more for good measure.
It has been a surreal few months. Since finding out our news, we have had two appointments with the doctor. We saw a glimpse of our little one at six weeks, and just recently heard the whoosh, whoosh, whoosh of the heartbeat. What an incredible moment it was. For the first time I felt truly and wholly connected to this baby. To hear my own heartbeat slow and steady, and then faintly at first, then clearly the quick whoosh, whoosh, whoosh of the baby's heart, this tiny wonder working along inside me, growing and changing every minute.
I imagine this baby, the fingers and toes, the eyes, feeling the first flutters in my belly, what it will be to meet each other face to face, what our lives will be one year from this day. I think about the first few delicate months of his or her life and what a wonderful few months they have been. Great moments spent with friends and family, celebrating our anniversary, my birthday, Charlie preparing for the bar exam. I hope this baby can feel how much it is already loved. Each day Charlie lays his head on my belly and discusses the day and the future with the baby, sometimes quoting (rapping) Will Smith, "Daddy loves you, Daddy loves you" making me laugh.
These first few months have been extraordinary. I have stood by friends and family members as they've experienced pregnancy and wondered in disbelief about the incredible process of growing another human being. But being pregnant myself has taken that feeling of wonder to an entirely new level. What a beautiful and wonderful thing. Nothing short of a miracle.
I look forward to sharing this journey with you.